Things We Lost Read online

  Things We lost

  Loving Locksley: Book 1

  Shae Banks

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  About the Author

  Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

  Bruce Lee

  Copyright © 2019 by Shae Banks

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

  may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

  without the express written permission of the publisher

  except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Cover by LKO design

  Editing by Hourglass Editing

  and

  Elemental Editing and Proofreading

  Formatting by Kassie Morse

  For more on the author please visit:

  www.shaebanks.com

  Chapter One

  Interviews always made me nervous. I hated being under the microscope, answering questions, and trying to make myself sound interesting. I was qualified. I needed to get out of my current position. I wasn’t happy, and if I’d learned one thing in my thirty years, it’s that life is too short to be miserable.

  I’d have more free time. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it, probably more exercise, but like my best friend Haylie said, it was better than sitting in traffic for two hours every night.

  Locking the car, I walked toward the building as I straightened my jacket and fiddled with the strap of my bag.

  The steel structure gleamed in the morning sunlight and the blackout windows to the right gave nothing away. To the left was what looked to be a workshop with several large white trucks all lined up outside and LGW Solutions written on the sides in royal blue.

  The same logo was printed on the front door. I took a deep breath before stepping inside and stopped short as the girl at the reception desk looked at me with a bored expression. She was around twenty, and her hair was sculpted into a perfect, glossy bun on top of her head. Her eyes narrowed, her impeccably groomed brows not moving at all, while her perfectly drawn eyeliner accentuated the expression of judgement and distaste. Snotty bitch.

  “Hi, I’m Nathalie Johnson. I’m here to see… Cara?”

  “Fill this out, and take a seat over there.”

  She handed me a form, and I scanned it. “Umm… I have one of…” She gave me another frosty look, and I mumbled, “Never mind.”

  Sitting on one of the brand-new chairs opposite her desk, I opened my bag and withdrew the completed form identical to the one she’d handed me. Clearly over prepared. I wasn’t sure if that was a bad sign, but I was so sick of working in payroll. This job was better suited for me. A smaller office. A quieter work environment. Okay, so eyebrows at the desk made me feel about as welcome as a dose of the clap, but I didn’t have to like her, I just had to work with her. If I got the job.

  “Nathalie?”

  The accent was southern. London, maybe? I turned my head and smiled.

  The woman in front of me was much taller than me. A pretty blonde, with tanned skin and perfect makeup. Her tiny waist was accentuated by the tight fit of her bodycon dress, and I could tell with a glance her heels were Louboutin’s. I smiled at her and stood. “Yeah. Yes.”

  I don’t know why I was so nervous. I’d had dozens of interviews. None in the last three years, admittedly, but she made me… self-conscious. Okay, so my inferiority complex was deeply ingrained, but I knew I had what she needed. I could get through the interview regardless of her perfect appearance and her beautiful shoes, and prove it.

  “Don’t be nervous. We’re a family company, we pride ourselves on being approachable,” she said smiling. “We’re in here.”

  I followed, still clutching the form, and stepped into the office, looking around. My attention was immediately drawn to the guy sitting at the desk, mobile to his ear, a broad grin on his face. “Yeah, yeah definitely. Just stick her around the back and take off, Rich needs that kit down at the site. Yeah, mate, you too. Got to go. See you Friday.” He ended the call and turned the mobile to silent before looking at me, getting to his feet, and stepping around the desk. He was tall, athletic, and dark haired, with a neat beard and sharply dressed in a suit. Holding out a hand, he said, “Nathalie. Thanks for coming in, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Tony, and you’ve met Cara.”

  I did my best to smile, then looked down at his extended hand. I forced myself to take it, shook it, then looked back at Cara. She gave me an encouraging nod and gestured to the chair opposite him. Strangely, she took the seat beside me.

  “Your resume made for an interesting read, Nathalie. You’re overqualified for the role as I’m sure you know. Can I start by asking why you applied for the position? Business Administrator is something of a step down from Senior Finance Administrator.”

  Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I did have an answer prepared, but my head emptied. He was looking at me with his head cocked to one side, waiting for an answer, and I could feel my heart starting to beat a little faster under his scrutiny. “Umm… honestly? I need something… easier. Not that I think this would be easy, it wouldn’t. I don’t mean… It’s just that’s such a massive company and the workload never changes. Ever. There’s no challenge in it. There’s no community. Add to that the hell of a commute,” I looked up at the ceiling and took a breath, “this place is walking distance from my house. If the weather’s nice, I can walk into work. If the weather is awful, I can still get into work. No sitting in traffic for two hours…” I was rambling and decided it’s best I shut up.

  I watched him, waiting for a reaction, and when his brows twitched, a small line forming between them, I knew I’d completely messed it up. Damn nerves had killed my chance of getting out of that god-awful place I’d been slowly dying in, professionally speaking.

  “We noticed a two-year gap in your employment history, Nathalie,” Cara said. My heart sank further. “The only explanation you gave was illness.”

  This question I was prepared for. “Yes. It was a period of rehabilitation following a road traffic accident. It took a while to recover, there was a significant amount of physical therapy as well as several surgeries, but I used that time to gain my Finance and Management degree. I have made a full recovery and my health has improved every year since,” I said. It was the only well-practiced line I had. It was the only thing anyone ever wanted to talk about after I let them know about it. It was never going away, but the subject wasn’t in my top ten thousand talking points. It was easier to give the practiced response and hope they moved on quickly.

  Cara smiled. It wasn’t the usual apologetic one, and she didn’t scan me for obvious clues as to what had been damaged, which was nice. “I’m glad to hear it. Any commitments we would need to know about? Physical therapy appointments for example, so accommodations can be made for your absence.”

  My only thought was, wow. Most places would run a damn mile. Did that mean I had the job? “Oh, no. Thank you. I’m fine. I have a relatively intense workout schedule that keeps me in half decent shape. I don’t rely on meds for pain relief or anything like that, I’ve been lucky. The odd ache or pain during the winter, but that doesn’t
affect my day-to-day activities.”

  She smiled, made a note, then looked at Tony.

  “Do you have any family, Nathalie?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “No. I’m divorced. No children, no partner, no parents, no siblings. Mum was the last to go, died of cancer a couple of years ago.”

  He nodded once, his lips pressed into a grim line, then he smiled and said, “Well, Nathalie. There were twenty applicants, but the rest didn’t touch your credentials. What is your required period of notice with your current employer?”

  I frowned. Confused. “Umm, two weeks, but I’m currently off for two weeks, so if I emailed them today, I think, technically, I’m free from tomorrow.”

  He smiled, physically relaxing. “Well, no need to rob you of two weeks off. Take your holiday, work the notice period to prevent any complications, and we’ll see you here at nine AM on Tuesday the twenty-third.”

  I looked from him to Cara. “Really? That’s it?”

  She gave me a warm smile and replied, “That’s it. We’ll have everything ready for you. Enjoy your time off.”

  And that was my dismissal, apparently, as the two of them got to their feet. Tony shook my hand again, and Cara escorted me out.

  After thanks and goodbyes, I walked out of there wondering how the hell that had happened. This was my worst interview ever. I don’t know why I panicked. Maybe it was Tony and his lovely smile. Maybe it was Cara and her relaxed and friendly approach. Whatever, it seemed to do the job.

  I sent a text to Haylie, my best and only friend, before starting my car. I had two weeks off and was finally free of that shitty payroll department. Friday night, I was celebrating.

  Chapter Two

  Haylie’s cackle rang out over the speakers above our heads. “You’re a lucky bitch, Nat.”

  I didn’t usually feel lucky, no one had worse luck than me. Every time things looked up, shit happened. But, just this once, she had a point. I raised my glass, and she chinked hers against it.

  “Seriously, though. I’m so happy for you. No more Moody Mandy!”

  Mandy was my manager and she was a bitch. Mandy could stick her job right up her arse.

  I grinned at my friend and drained my glass. “Need to pee. No, don’t get up, I won’t be long.”

  We’d gone through two bottles of wine in an hour, and I wasn’t feeling particularly steady. Regardless, we were meeting some of her work friends in a club later, and there were several hours left of my celebratory night out.

  I was walking up the stairs to the bathrooms when I tripped. I’m good at that, falling upstairs. Especially after so much wine. I hastily looked around to see if anyone had seen it and was relieved when I found myself alone on the staircase. I snorted to myself, turned the corner, and walked straight into a large, solid body.

  “I’m sorry, love. Are you all right?”

  Swallowing hard, my stomach clenched, and I froze. I knew that voice. The accent was off, but the voice was one I’d heard a million times. You don’t forget your ex-boyfriend’s voice. I panicked. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” I was spluttering, keeping my head down and trying to sidestep him without making eye contact, but his hand settled on my upper arm.

  I looked up, and the air left my lungs.

  I hadn’t seen that face in thirteen years. It was the same face. Older. I hated to admit it, but handsomer. His eyes were just as blue. His hair was longer. Skin was darker. The few days growth along his jaw gave him a slightly rugged look that suited him. The tight t-shirt he wore suggested he looked after himself and spent more than a few hours in the gym. I didn’t focus on any one part of him for long, looking back up at his face.

  His lips twitched in a nervous smile. “Nat?”

  His voice was exactly as I remembered it. It still had the same effect on me. “Jason?”

  His eyes were all over my face, flicking here and there, scanning my features, noting the changes. “God… How are you?”

  He’d dropped his accent, but I suppose that’s what people did when they moved away. He must have gotten in with a bunch of southerners and been forced to drop it.

  He ran away, a small voice in the back of my mind reminded me. He ran away, and dumped me to go to university.

  We started dating when we were fifteen. He was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first sexual partner. He’d been my everything. My soulmate. We were supposed to stay that way forever, but he brought that to an abrupt end.

  I never knew why he left. I never knew what I’d done wrong.

  I didn’t want to know now.

  “I’m… I… Excuse me…”

  I pushed past him and into the bathroom. After four very large glasses of wine, and climbing two flights of stairs, I was desperate. And I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him.

  In the safety of the lady’s bathroom, I locked the cubicle door and practically collapsed onto the toilet. I couldn’t believe it, of all the people to bump into it had to be him.

  I took my time, washing my hands and reapplying lipstick, before going back out. I knew he’d wait. I knew he’d be standing against the wall, watching the door, waiting for me to come back out. He’d want to talk to me, ask me questions, catch up. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.

  His smile sent a zing of excitement through me. It always had. It was exactly how I remembered it, the dimples in his cheeks and twinkle in his eyes. I tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled nervously as I walked toward him.

  “Nat, you look…” He bent to kiss my cheek. It was an innocent enough gesture when we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but I stepped back, wrapping my arms around myself. I tried not to shrink away, but I didn’t manage it.

  I did manage to force the smile to stay put and mumble, “Hiya. How have you been?”

  He looked uncomfortable and shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “Good. Can I get you a drink? Catch up?”

  Chewing my thumbnail, I pretended to consider. There was no way I could sit and have a drink with him. Not after everything. Not after all those years, although an explanation would be nice. “I’m with a friend. I should go, she’ll wonder what’s taking me so long. Nice seeing you, Jase.”

  He watched me pass, not bothering to ask again and even stepped out of my way. I glanced up at him as I walked by and saw the disappointment in his eyes.

  Good, I told myself as I hurried down the stairs. I’d felt it for long enough.

  I was aware of his gaze all the way to the bottom of the stairs. But there was no sound of footsteps, so I was sure he hadn’t followed me down. I wasn’t certain if that was because he picked up on my unease or because I had offended him. I didn’t really care, I was just grateful he hadn’t been on my heels.

  Back in the bar, I relaxed a little and returned to our table.

  “I was about to come looking,” Haylie said as I slid back into my seat and necked my drink. “Shit, what’s up with you?”

  I poured another glass from bottle and drank half of that too. “I just bumped into Jason.”

  Her eyebrows lifted. “Locksley?”

  I nodded, sucking on an ice cube that had slipped into my mouth as I drank. “Yep. He was on the landing.”

  “Shit… Is he still fit?” she asked. I looked away, and she burst out laughing. “What did you say to him?”

  “Nothing,” I said a little too quickly, feeling my cheeks heat. I took a mouthful of wine, catching another ice cube in my mouth. “He asked me if I wanted a drink, I said no, and I came back here.”

  “Shame. Could have scratched that itch.”

  “What itch?”

  She flashed her brows at me just as Jason came through the doors that led to the toilets and walked toward us. I choked on my ice cube and looked down at the table, hoping he wouldn’t see me.

  He saw me.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, then looked over her shoulder. “All right, Jase?”

  I wanted the ground to open up
and swallow me. Unfortunately, the bar stayed as it was, and he stopped at our table. “Hello Haylie. How’ve you been?”

  She grinned up at him, ignoring me entirely. “I’m good. We’re celebrating. Nat got a new job. Want to join us?”

  He looked at me and smiled. I hoped he’d turn and face her, but he didn’t. He looked directly into my eyes as he said, “Congratulations. Sorry, I can’t, I’m out with a friend. Maybe next time. Have a good night.”

  I tried to smile and grabbed my drink, suddenly finding the remaining ice cubes incredibly interesting. I didn’t say anything, and after a few seconds he walked away.

  “Fucking hell,” she said when he was gone. “He’s improved with age. Did you see a wedding ring? I didn’t. Do you think he’s single?”

  I poked at the ice cubes with my finger. “I honestly don’t give a shit, Hayles.”

  She gave me that look. The one that meant ‘don’t give me that crap.’

  “You can’t still be pissed at him?”

  I looked at her stony faced. “Not pissed, no,” I said, although that wasn’t entirely true. I’d never really forgiven him. I didn’t think I ever would. The whole ‘we were just kids’ argument didn’t stop me from feeling resentful. Seeing him brought it all fizzing and bubbling to the surface after years of being buried. But there was the other feeling, too. I ignored that one. “But I’m not exactly thrilled to see him.”

  She shook her head and sniffed at me.

  I stuck out my tongue. “I’ll go grab us another round.”

  I got up and grabbed my clutch, turning toward the bar. It wasn’t too busy since it was still early, and I scanned the room to make sure he wasn’t nearby. I couldn’t see him, so I assumed he’d left with whoever he was with and breathed a sigh of relief.